Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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