were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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