I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize