This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize