fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
