and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
