I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
