we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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