btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
