I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
