Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize