How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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