oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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