bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
