...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
