Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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