I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
