I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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