I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
