just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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