i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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