the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
