Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
