Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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