we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize