The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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