I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize