My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize