It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
