Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
