i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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