yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize