just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's the barista slut.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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