I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
