wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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