I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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