he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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