made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
