I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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