I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
