I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
