Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
