turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
