I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
