Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
