I must be too annoying 4 u.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
