You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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