im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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