Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
