Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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