He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize