dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
