need another drink. this is the easiest way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
