my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
