eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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