Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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