he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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