It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
