It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
