I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
