Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You smell like stripper and shame
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
