I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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