4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
