I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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