reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
