just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
