that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what day is it and did you see me today?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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