i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
