he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
