You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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