Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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