Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize