my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
